Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
