Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We have started to decorate penises.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
