Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
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Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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