Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
