WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
