You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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