i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
