you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
