I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
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i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
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and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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