I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
