im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
