i think my tv is drunk
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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