I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You can't special order awesome
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
