ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
