He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
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Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
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so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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