god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
