The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
