OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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