no, he came in my armpit
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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