pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
