I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
