Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
