Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
