I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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