well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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