At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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