bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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