Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
