we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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