so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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