Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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