I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Randomize
