So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
