Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
thus making me awesome and them whores
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
