Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
