Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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