my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
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The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
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If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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