I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
