I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
