operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
