I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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