If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
