besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
