i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
