What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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