Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
