She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
