TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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