woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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