I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
