Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
