i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
