I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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