I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
