I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
