She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
