Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
