This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize