it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
