does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
